I want to thank everyone who has given me words of encouragement, pointers on how to help Nathan, and love. I feel like God has brought every each one of you to me to show me that we're not alone, to show me that there is support, and to show me it's ok to just let it all out, so to speak.
I can feel God is with us during all of this. He has shown me so much love and given me so much strength. He has blessed me with a boy that is so receptive to prayer and that is a huge help!
It's so hard to see a loving boy like Nathan struggle with believing he's a "bad" boy. It's heartbreaking to see him so broken down after a hard day. It is amazing though how fast prayer can change things around for him! Sometimes he'll come up to me feeling anxious about going to school, or crying because he had a bad day. After 30 seconds of prayer he's like a new boy! God has been so incredibly faithful through all of this! I love that ever since Nathan was 3 1/2 he has known that prayer makes him feel better. When he was at his early childhood screening, he was exhausted. They wanted him to do one more activity and he wasn't having it. He was just shy of 3 1/2, it was his first day of pre-school, he had no nap, and he just wanted to go home to have a snack. I asked him, "what can I do to help you get through this last activity?" He answered immediately while crawling into my lap, "prayer!" So, I prayed for him and not even a minute later he hopped off of my lap, and finished the project just like that! Scoring well above average too! It was like God flipped a switch in him. I wonder sometimes if the woman that was helping us noticed.. I wonder if it planted a seed at all. There was another time when Nathan was incredibly sick and in a lot of pain at the Dr's office. I asked him the same question as he was screaming in pain.. What can mommy do Nathan? He cried out with big crocodile tears streaming down his face "praaayyyeer." It just amazes me. It amazes me that this little boy knows, he KNOWS that prayer works! Thank you Jesus for that! Thank you Jesus that every time I pray for my crying, scared, little boy, that you show up and take those tears away! I am so grateful to know my loving Father in Heaven. I am so grateful to know that He's on our side. I can't take away Nathan's tears, I can't heal his hurting heart, and I can't stop the lies from seeping into his brain like some sort of poisonous sludge. But God can. I don't know what I would do without Him. I thank God that I have him to protect Nathan. God's love has been so prevalent through all of this! Once again, He has swept in to take care of my aching heart. And I get to watch first hand as He takes care of Nathan's.
Thank you Father that you are a God worthy of all our praise. That you are a God that doesn't force us to kneel before your throne, rather your love makes us want to. Thank you that you're a God that loves your people, that wants to take care of your children, that wants to bless us. Thank you for being the good God that you are.. Not the condemning one that so many people think they know. Who is like you O Lord, worthy of all praise? Thank you and I love you.
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