An update on life.

  The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions for me.  At Nathan's last conferences his teacher and I talked about what we have been noticing in Nathan.  The final thought from his teacher is that she's convinced he has a sensory disorder.  God must have been with me at the time she mentioned it because I was able to accept it and test it out.  Whereas last time she mentioned it I was too scared to find a diagnosis. 
  After doing some research, I came to the conclusion that we had to get him referred to a occupational therapist.  Nathan is a text book example of a child with SPD. The type that he may have is very similar to ADHD, however his teacher, the Dr who referred him to the OT, and myself don't think he has ADHD.  Nathan has a strong ability to be able to focus for extended periods of time in school and at home.  He also doesn't display displaced anger and frustration like many kids with ADHD, and he has no problem learning new things.  In fact, he's incredibly smart.  Nathan appears to have a sensory seeking issue.  Children with this tend to have difficulty listening, following directions, knowing where there body is in space, and they seek out high intensity activities, or increased durations of sensory stimulation. They tend to get into people's space because they crave touch so much due to needing stimulation. They will intentionally bump or crash into things, and they car stare at optical things, such as televisions, and other visual stimulants  for hours. The children under this category don't often throw temper tantrums, they just seem to be over active and have a hard time transitioning from play time to quiet time.  They are not intentionally not following directions from teachers, obviously, but it often appears that they are. 
  I have wondered for a long time if there was something going on with Nathan other than "high energy."  He had a difficult time sleeping as an infant, and when he became a toddler, he always desired to be snuggled, have his backed rubbed, or just need to be sleeping next to me in order to sleep.  He still needs his back rubbed every night before bed.  And he still tries to sleep with me at night.  Not to mention that he's very energetic, sensitive to sound, sometimes light, he tries really hard to focus in large groups but finds that it's next to impossible.  He explains it by saying, "I try to make my body sit still, but my brain won't let it.  My brain feels dizzy and I don't like it." 
  As a mother it's incredibly hard.  My heart breaks for Nathan. Yet, I am so relieved to know there's help for Nathan.  I feel so many emotions with this.  Sadness, relief, fear, relief, anger, relief.  It's hard when I hear people label him and say he "misbehaves."  When I know now that he can't control it.  It's wonderful that now we can help him process this, and that we can set him up to succeed rather than fail.  That we can know what expectations to have of him, and that we'll have an OT helping us along the way.  I also found a wonderful website that has been so incredibly helpful and a few great friends that have prayed for me along this new journey that God has placed us in.  Support is so important during this time and I don't know what I'd do without it.  I love my little boy so much.  He has an amazing, loving heart.  He wants nothing but to do good things, yet he gets labeled a "bad boy."  For that my heart breaks.  He has such a hard time when he fails.  He may not show it to teachers, but I see it in him when we pray together at night.  I am grateful for Mrs. Talrico, Nathan's teacher.  Her encouragement to have me look into this has been so helpful.  And it has given me hope.  She sees his good heart, and his good nature through the difficulties he has, and that is so incredibly helpful.  
  Now I just wait until we get the diagnosis.  His appointment is May 3rd.  After all the talks I've had with his preschool teacher, and his current teachers, and my own speculations, I feel that the OT will be telling me information that I already know.  But now, there's help.