Patience, patience, patience.... With a side of grace.

   Over the past couple of nights, our little Annabelle hasn't been sleeping so well.  She has developed another chest cold, and for some reason she has been waking up between 2:45 and 3AM talking for about an hour or more straight!  I admit, hearing her say "a-da-da-da"  is incredibly cute, however, hearing it over and over and over again in the very wee hours of the morning, kind of takes away the cuteness.  As I lay awake feeling frustrated that another nights sleep has been sabotaged, I hear all the little voices in my head that remind me of my never-ending 'to do' list and various responsibilities and needs that need to be taken care of that day.  And all I can feel is defeat.  How am I supposed to keep up with these things when I don't get the luxury of sleeping for more than a couple of hours straight in one night?  But most importantly, how am I going to have the patience and grace for my 3 kids if I am exhausted, and cranky?

  What weighs the heaviest on me during my hours awake with Annabelle, is Nathan's schooling and my relationship with him.  Nathan has severe attention deficit issues, along with sensory and auditory/vestibular complications.  So, what does that mean?  I NEED patience!  Patience, patience, patience, patience, a little bit of caffeine, some grace, and some more patience.  Is it just me, or is patience incredibly hard to come by when you're incredibly sleep deprived and jacked up on caffeine?  Sadly, I cannot just order a monthly supply of patience from the Internet.  Nor can I just put on my 'big girl patience panties' and go along with my day. I wish it were that easy sometimes! 

  Sadly, patience and grace is an area I fail miserably in when I am overly tired.  When exhausted, I become more selfish. I just want things to go my way so I won't have to work too hard at remaining calm while I am utterly exhausted and overwhelmed.  However, getting my way is not going to happen!  My daughters are not going to nap at the same time, and my son is not going to sit still with his hands folded nicely in his lap while I teach him spelling concepts. My kids are not going to clean up after themselves without a billion reminders, nor is my husband going to put away that basket full of folded laundry that has been sitting there for a week. (He will if I ask, but I struggle with "I shouldn't have to ask" syndrome at times)

 Luckily, there's hope!  I do not need to conjure up my own patience and grace for Nathan, or for my overly dramatic 2 1/2-year-old daughter.  Patience and grace, and love for my children and husband can be, and will be freely given to me as long as I ask my Papa in Heaven for it.  God has been so faithful in this area for me.  I do need to ask more often I'll admit, however when I do remember to ask, he always delivers!  No matter how exhausted I am, he truly does have my back.  I do not need to start my day of defeated no matter what cards are stacked up against me.  I can start my day off with the expectation that God is going to meet me where I am at, as long as I allow him to, and he will give me my every need.